The Truths of Mordrok
'' '' The following is a broken collection of utterings by Mordrok the Greatest, the context of which are largely unknown to the Sons of Mordrok. May we only pray to glean knowledge from the infinite mysteries of the GENIUS OF WAR and his vast intellect. ' ' 1. Mordrok learned well his lesson that day. And that lesson is Never Trust Strangers That Cannot Navigate A Simple Cliff Drop With Your Life. ' ' 2. When next you see Mordrok, he will have the full fury of the Vanguard at his back! ' ' 3. Mordrok is used to hearing this from females so HE HAS COME PREPARED. ' ' 4. WHAT IS THIS STEAMING LOAD OF WHELP MUCK ASSAULTING MORDROK'S EYES ' ' 5. Yes, well, Mordrok makes no claim to understand the Human sense of humor, dead or otherwise. THOUGH HE MAKES A SALIENT POINT. Perhaps Mordrok has been spending too much time hovering proudly over fair Orgrimmar atop his majestic black drake and not enough time with boots on the ground, interacting with the brave merchants and gentle citizenry. ' ' 6. Then you must wear the CROWN OF SHAME, and let your betters pelt you with the SPIT OF DISAPPOINTMENT. ' ' 7. Time grows short, heroes of the Horde! Even now, the Alliance sail to land their frilly, bird-shaped vessels in mighty Bladefist Bay, like the egg-thieving cuckoos that they are! While they busy themselves tossing Gnomes against Orgrimmar's impregnable walls, WE WILL LAUNCH A SNEAKY COUNTERATTACK on some other base far across the world! Perhaps lovely Goldshire, or that one spot on that large wall in Pandaria! HOHO, but perhaps Mordrok has said too much! Join the Dragonmaw Vanguard today, and show your mother you have what it takes to be a warrior of the Horde! ' ' 8. Tonight the Dragonmaw Vanguard returns to Orgrimmar, not as welcome heroes that have molded the fluffy, useless Panda people into HORDE FIGHTING MACHINES, you're welcome Hellscream the Ungrateful, BUT AS CONQUERORS. Yes, tonight we Siege! ' ' 9. Blame the Goblins, as Mordrok does! ' ' 10. Attend to the words of your WAR GENIUS, recruits! Times have changed! The PROUD AND MIGHTY - though not without his minor faults - Hellscream has fallen! Even now he sits in Pandaria awaiting trial on trumped-up charges of "global tyranny" and "multiple attempted genocide" in some pandaroo court, while the SKINNY BLUE BUTT of a Troll sits the leather throne! Our beloved Warlord Zaela, as beautiful and deadly as Mordrok's own mother, has gone missing! What is an ostracized clan and their Horde-appointed army to do in such trying times?!??! The same thing we have always done. INDISCRIMINATE MURDER SERVED PIPING HOT AT THE FRONT OF AN AXE, WITH A TASTY SIDE OF IMMEASURABLE VIOLENCE. Join the master chefs of Dragonmaw Vanguard, and fill your belly with a SWEET AND TASTY serving of VICTORY! Or Human flesh, if you are of the Forsaken persuasion. The Vanguard does not judge. ' ' 11. As long as there are Humans to be slain and pillage to be had, there will be a place in the Vanguard for mighty Orcs! And the other, less muscular races. ' ' 12. With Warlord Zaela currently missing following the UNFORTUNATE DEMISE of her precious baby angel the mighty juggernaut Galakras, the Dragonmaw Vanguard has relocated to Dragonmaw Port in Twilight Highlands to consolidate power and plot. Always plotting. ' ' 13. HOW DARE YOU JEOPARDIZE MORDROK'S BOWEL REGULARITY?! ' ' 14. Ho ho ho ho HA ha ha haaaaa. Many have lain with Mordrok's promiscuous mother but none have the strength of will and fortitude of intestine to be called Father! This shadowy Orc who weeps of stolen glory and simpers about lost chances is no better than the rest. ' ' 15. After an unfortunate but hilarious communication error regarding frequency of dragon feedings there are now new positions available in the employ of the Dragonmaw Vanguard. Apply today! Bring your armor! ' ' 16. Are you paying attention, Alliance?! HE WILL BREAK YOU ' ' 17. You likely cannot see beneath Mordrok's magic helmet but he is GRIMACING IN DISGUST. ' ' 18. Pack an extra pair of undergarments when you go adventuring tonight, Alliance, for the ones you are wearing now will surely be WET WITH TERROR once the Dragonmaw Vanguard, after certain administrative formalities, GOES ON THE RAMPAGE. ' ' 19. FEAR NOT. It is always darkest before the COMPLETE BLACKNESS of a Horde of monsters crashing over screaming, panicking pinkskins. ' ' 20. Now that the soft, shitty continent of Pandaria has been SUFFICIENTLY PLUNDERED and the BIG LOSER Hellscream brought to justice, the Dragonmaw Vanguard turns its MIGHTY GAZE to horizons unseen. Do you enjoy DRUNKEN REVELRY?! Some of our officers are addicted to alcoholic beverages, such as the detestable Moonberry Juice and highly toxic Moonglow. You will fit right in! Do you find yourself thinking “Self, killing Humans is necessary and enjoyable, but I would dearly love to kill Humans beside great warriors of the Horde that I may sponge up some of their glory by proximity." WE WILL ALLOW IT. If, AND THIS IS PURELY HYPOTHETICAL, there were a rift opened in time and you were thrust back into it and had to fight against the mightiest Orcs the past had ever seen, let's call them, oh, the Horde of Steel, WOULD YOU NOT want MIGHTY MALICIOUS MORDROK AT YOUR SIDE? Dreaux the Devastatingly Dashing Druid? Felandis the Fearsome and Foolhardy? Retribution, both Ravishing and Rude?! ALL OF THEM. WE WILL ALL BE THERE FOR THIS HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO. ' ' 21. MANY OF YOU WERE CRUSHED last night when Mordrok and Dreaux brought the GIFT OF PAIN to the Timeless Isle last night, wrapped in a package of screams and tied with a bow of tears. The rest of you were wise to steer clear of the mayhem, or to be Horde and exempt from it. JOIN US, IF YOU DARE ' ' 22. There better not have been any Alliance sass while Mordrok was dreaming of conquest last night. WAS THERE? ' ' 23. Those of you who desire a FIRST LOOK at Mordrok's FINAL MOG FORM (coming soon, curse you fickle raid bosses) should apply at vanguardgaming.com! We also kill things. *Note: The strange dialect in which the Mighty Mordrok is speaking in the above passage has yet to be deciphered by top minds of both the Horde and Alliance. The search for the meaning of “raid bosses” and “vanguardgaming.com” continues. ' ' 24.THE GREATEST ORC WHO EVER LIVED ' ' Note: The above quote was proclaimed by Mordrok during a contest to express one’s life story in six words.' ' ' ' 25. Wait, you haven't even read Mordrok's MIGHTY POEM! It is called Wretched Sits the Heart that has Been Touched By a Bear, and Then Squished Beneath Its Fat Body STOP LAUGHING. ' ' 26. ON BLACK WINGS we patrol the skies of the Twilight Highlands, ever watchful for sniveling Dwarves and their wicked, beer-addled scheming. ' ' 27. UNCONSCIONABLE SASS ' ' 28. Mordrok recently had this read to him by our dedicated choir of Gnome slave eunuchs and it nearly brought tears to his brutish, crimson eyes. NOW YOU WILL ALSO READ IT. ' ' Note: The above quote is describing the scroll upon which the tale of the great Dragonmaw Vanguard was recorded. ' ' 29. PREPARE TO BE CHOPPED ALLIANCE PIGS MORDROK THROWS HIS AXE INTO THE RING Squire, fetch Mordrok's axe, that it may be thrown! ' ' 30. YOU CANNOT DEFEAT MORDROK THE EASTERN KINGDOMS BELONGS TO THE HORDE THESE ARE THE THINGS MORDROK WAS YELLING AT YOU IN CASE YOU DO NOT SPEAK ORCISH ' ' 31. WAR OF THE NORTHERN WARCHIEFDOMS CHANGE IT IMMEDIATELY OR BE CRUSHED ' ' Note: The above passage was uttered in response to a pathetic pink-skin who was showing a map of the supposed Eastern Kingdoms holdings titled, “War of the Northern Kingdoms”. ' ' 32. ENDING OTHER LIVES CAN YOUR BEARDED RODENTS CHOP LIKE MORDROK CAN YOUR BETUSKED SCARECROWS HAIL A STORM OF BLADES LIKE MORDROk PFAH DON'T BE RIDICULOUS ' ' 33. BAH ' ' Note: The above passage was uttered by Mordrok the Fearless while showing his disdain for an Alliance weakling inappropriately named Andrew the Immortal, and his life’s story. ' ' 34. The only thing stunted in here is that childlike beard, Human filth! ' ' 35. You are too late, Alliance. The calm before the storm has ended. ' ' 36. THE BIGGEST DEAL OF ALL EDUCATE YOURSELF UGLY ' ' Note: The above passage was proclaimed by Magnificent Mordrok in response to the question of his holy self being “a big deal”. ' ' 37. MORE BONES FOR THE BONE PILE ' ' 38. That must have been some other Orc that is as handsome as he is deadly. Mordrok did naught but conquest on the tiny island with foolish objectives. ' ' Note: The above passage was uttered in response to a delusional, and obviously insane Alliance PIECE OF FILTH, who foolishly claimed to have bested the Avatar of Destruction on the island of Ashran. ' ' 39. THIS AXE IS RED YOUR SKIN IS BLUE COVER YOUR TENTACLES WHEN IT COMES FOR YOU